Was reading 1 Samuel 15 (AMAZING!), and it was talking about how God gave King Saul a specific command to attack the Amalekites because of what they did to the Israelites (GO HEAD DADDY!). He said to “totally destroy all that belongs to them. Do not spare them; Put to death men and women, children and infants, cattle and sheep, camels and donkeys. (1 Sam 15:3)”

Then Saul does exactly as the Lord commanded, EXCEPT kill the king of the Amalekites, and all the “choice” cattle and sheep and etc:

But Saul and the army spared Agag and the best of the sheep and cattle, the fat calvest and lambs—everything that was good. These they were unwilling to destroy completely, but everything that was despised and weak they totally destroyed. (1 Sam 15:9)

Saul saved the animals because he thought they would make a great offering to God. Sike!

“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the Lord?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams (1 Sam 15:22).”

But the point of it all is that God’s will may not necessarily be something we want to do, but if God put you in a position of prosperity, why wouldn’t you do what he says? Look around you around you and see how blessed you are. “Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD (Job 1:21)” And then God took the kingdom away from Saul. But thanks be to God that He sent Jesus Christ to die for us so that we could be given a second chance at the kingdom!

It is God’s will for humankind to be saved. When we refuse to “kill” off the areas in our lives that are not pleasing to God, it’s like we honor or even worship those things more than the Lord. Sounds crazy but we do it. Actions speak 10x louder than a scream. Is your alcohol and weed worth losing a chance at gaining the inheritance of the kingdom of God?  For me, was holding on to and being bonded to pornography worth losing a chance at life eternally? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Letting go was hard, but it was a decision I will never ever ever regret. 

What really got me was how Jesus died for me, He bought me, He saw life in me despite my death-worthy sin! But the way I was living made Him bleed for me even more. I put myself in the position of the Roman soldiers, held the whip in my hand and said “Ha, take that Jesus! I hate you.” I don’t know about you but I don’t like blood on my hands. 

When Saul said he saved the cattle because he thought it would be a pleasing sacrifice to Him I thought about how in order to look good in the eyes of God we try to offer small pieces of us and think we’re good. I used to think just because I went to bible studies every Friday freshman year I was good. Then I went partying and drinking the same night. Even some people think that if they tithe every Sunday they’re good with God. It took a looooonggg time for me to realize that if you say you’re a Christian, it takes ALL, 100% of you. Not just your money, your Sundays, or that one day of the week. It doesn’t just take your tweets about God, it takes ALL of you. What matters to God is that you obey His commands. God is rich, he doesn’t need your money, your 1/7 days of the week, or just your respect, He just wants…You, nothing more, and especially nothing less. 

I gave my life to Christ because I never in my life experienced a love like that. Not from a family member, no man, no friend. But a love that literally gives life, a life where a man is willing to die for his friend. Jesus called me a friend and I didn’t bang with Him! Wow.

I believe there is a God who opens your eyes to see the hold that Satan had on you. The “was blind but now I see” God.

I believe there is a God who cries out for His children.

A God who doesn’t care about your past to the point where He forgives you for everything.

I believe that God loves you enough that He will shake you in ways you never even knew were possible.

I believe that God loves you to the point where when you call on His name with all your heart, He will pull you from the cliff you’re hanging on with that one finger.

You may say “oh I’ve been living my whole life this way, this is how I am?”

Yes we were born into sin but He loves us enough that He would give us another chance. The bible says He sent His son down in human form because that was the only way He could die, but the power of God rose Him up from the dead so that we may live.

You say, yes I’m living, but are you living your life so that Jesus’ death counts for something?

But there is a God, who, from the beginning of time made man and woman and wonders why His children are photoshopping His copyrighted image.

I believe that God can set you free from the very things you have let settle in you.

I come from a family of addiction, anger, and depression. All these things tried to become concrete in my biography.

Could you even tell?

God sent His only son Jesus Christ not just to blot out our transgressions, but to erase the hurt, the pain, the curses of generations.

God saw us dying to the point where life support wasn’t enough to live off of, he transfused the blood of Jesus through our veins to make it our own, so that we may live life more abundantly.

So I’m made totally new! No longer that Ann, but this Ann.

The love of God, feeling His presence for the first time will literally break you down to the point where you realize I can’t do this on my own anymore.

Once you feel God pressing His mighty power on you, you actually begin to use that power to say I am no longer of this world, it’s time to change the way I’ve been living.

IMELA (PSALM 89)

CHORUS
I WILL SING OF THE LORDS GREAT LOVE FOREVER MORE
WITH MY MOUTH I WILL SHOUT FOR JOY FOREVERMORE


VERSE
All of the heavens sing (REPEAT)

About the things you do (REPEAT)

Tell of your faithfulness (REPEAT)

They proclaim that there’s no one like you (ALL)

CHORUS


All of the nations sing (REAPEAT)

Sing of your mighty power (REPEAT)

In you we put our our trust (REPEAT)

We Proclaim you’re our strength and Our shield (REPEAT)

CHORUS


CHORUS (counter)

IME IMELA IMELA IMELA
IME IMELA IMELA IMELA
IME IMELA IMELA IMELA

• Bobby: I believe in God.
• Satan: As do I.
• Bobby: I believe that He sent Jesus Christ to die for the sins of the world.
• Satan: As do I.
• *awkward silence*

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not shouting “I’m clean livin’.”
I’m whispering “I was lost,
Now I’m found and forgiven.”

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I don’t speak of this with pride.
I’m confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not trying to be strong.
I’m professing that I’m weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not bragging of success.
I’m admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not holier than thou,
I’m just a simple sinner
Who received God’s good grace, somehow!

-Maya Angelou

Lord show me what I need to add in my life, show face to what I need to subtract so that my salvation may equal the sum of what your kingdom has to offer. Lord please do these things so that my blessings will multiply and my passion for you will never divide but stay whole. A fraction of my heart is never enough because you are “greater than”…all.

You want it all, Lord show me the way. The complexity of this equation needs divine tutoring. Reveal to me this answer dear God so that I may go back and check my problems, you’re my answer key.

Stuck.

So deep in the dirt.

I have faith that I will sprout as a bountiful tree bearing fruit.

But I always end up trying on my own to grow and progress.

The Farmer, the FATHER, knows whats best when he drowns me in His water, He knows whats best for me when I get covered:

…in more dirt…mounds and mounds of dirt.

Wanting so hard to sprout, trying so hard to sprout. 

Never losing faith, yet when I do things according to my own will…no progress. 

So I pray father that you have your will, yet not my own, but yours be done.

Whatever you want to do with me to grow in the likeness of you, to grow towards you… do it.

A seed on its own doesn’t grow. It stays dormant, lifeless, alone.

But when the farmer, the FATHER to plant and nurture it, it will grow.

How do I learn to get over myself though?

All this surrender talk has given me hope…

Yet, I don’t think I fully understand.

#np None But Jesus // Hillsong Live